Home is where the heart is...

Last week, we took a five hour ride to South Jersey (while a storm followed up the entire way) to see my family and friends from home. After a fun but exhausting trip, we got to spend some much needed time with my Dad and got to work on a few house projects as well! It was emotional but nostalgic to sort through old pictures, cards, letters and yearbooks. I feel like we reach a point in our lives where we never want to throw those things out, but we only look at them once every few years. Eric got to work on the one bathroom so that hopefully when my Dad is ready to sell the house - it will be good to go! My Aunt and Uncle came down for our traditional Peter's Diner breakfast as well!

We also got to spend time ...and fist pump with Jen, Friday night. Jen has been one of my dearest friends since we worked together at JG Cooks Bar and Grille together for five years (now Carolina Blue). The memories we have there of working long hours, college breaks, and the friendships we made were such a huge part of my high school and college experience. We also got to go to the Phillies game on Saturday with Jess, Kaleena and Mike! It was a gorgeous day for baseball and an exciting game! I'm so thankful I got to show Eric around where I grew up...and got to spend time with people who mean so much to me. 

Being a bit of a drive from friends and family has been quite the adjustment for me. I am excited to continue to get to know people here and build close friendships with my awesome coworkers. More to come after our apartment warming! Cheers! xo

One foot...

I haven't posted in a long time. Mainly because when I originally intended to start this blog, it was to talk about the grieving process regarding my mom's death. After a while, as many of you know who have lost a loved one, the calls stop, the visits become less frequent, the texts are further apart...it is no longer the job of friends and family to help you with your grief...you have yourself to rely on and that can be very tough...I think this is why when I know that someone has lost a family member or friend...I always make it a point to tell them that I'll be thinking of them on a random Tuesday...because those days are sometimes the toughest. When you least expect it...

I have to say I have been very fortunate in life...I have a loving family, a great support network, a wonderful boyfriend...and I got to spend 28 years with a mother who I was very close to and who was my best friend. Sometimes, you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving...and you don't know where you are going...but you know that you have your faith, the love of others...and the hope that this will all unfold the way it should...

Do What You Love, Love What You Do...

I have always intentionally surrounded myself by people who are positive and passionate about their careers or journeys in life. When I was an RA at Shippensburg (shout out!), I was blessed to have such great mentors who guided me to follow my heart into Higher Education. Something unique about our field is that people are constantly aiming to inspire you from the day you step onto a college campus. I remember the day I realized I wanted to go into Higher Ed. Pete, my RD and now friend/colleague, sat down with me to look at opportunities for graduate school and plan out what would be best for me. Quickly realizing that this girl was NOT ready to take on the books and papers for the next two years, I accepted a job at Rosement College where I literally had the time of my life. I absolutely loved the people I worked with, made great and lasting friendships and was able to prepare myself for the next three intense years of gradate school...where I would surely be changed.

There are a few people in this world who are lucky to have mentors that influence them both personally and professionally. The faculty and staff at Shippensburg shaped me into the person I am today. I look back on all of my experiences, and this is the one that I am most thankful for. I was pushed in the classroom to strive for As and to keep pushing when things got tough. I was challenged as a supervisor and an educator to my students. I worked with such PASSIONATE coworkers who are rising in our field every day...who I am so thankful to keep in touch with on a regular basis (however, we need more reunions). I worked with staff members and supervisors who accepted me at my best but were there for some rough moments right by my side.

After grad school, I've had two unique and shaping professional experiences. To work in First Year Experience, Residential Education and Student Activites after two full years is a lot...but I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I have expanded my skill set and challenged myself just like I was set up to do at Shippensburg. I can only hope that in my next journey, whereever that may be, that I can continue to strive to have the impact on students like others had on me. Thoughts of Shirley fill my head on how I want to impact others...just like she impacted so many people. To be kind, to love life, to let that show in everything I do, to not anger or complain, and to be real with others...those are things that I want the most for my professional career.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

People have different outlets when they are angry or upset. Some drink, others smoke...I write. Who am I kidding, I also shop and get pedicures, but when I am channeling my true emotion I can't help but type away. The theme of today is literally, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...kudos to my girl Kelly Clarkson. I have been told this phrase time and time again over the last six months due to my mom, job search, you name it...people love to tell me this. The truth is...despite everything that I've been through and all the the emotional challenges that I'm facing...I'm still blessed and lucky. There are people in this world who literally have nothing. Who don't have a home, job, or friends - all combined. Yes, I am strong...but there are plenty of people who are much stronger than I am. Most of us live in a world of privilege...where are problems are so small compared to others. I am trying to keep this in perspective while dealing with the pain and suffering that I face every day.

This year has been quite a whirlwind for me...everything has changed so much, literally everything. I think a lot of my sadness lately has just been with the unknown. I've never not had a job or had a plan for where I am going to be professionally. I've always been the person who had a plan...and right now, I don't. I just have to keep trusting and having faith...but right now all of the emotions in my life just seem to be a whirlwind. I'm just going to keep rocking out to Kelly Clarkson and trying to carry on.... :)

Chow Chow

I have been horrible at keeping up with my blog, and after attending a beautiful memorial service for one of my mentors and professors yesterday...I was inspired to write more...as she always would tell me how much she loved my stories in here. This blog is titled, 'Chow Chow' and some of you are probably thinking, what is that?! Others, mostly my Lancaster county friends, know exactly what it means and tastes like ... :

However, I also just googled Chow Chow...and found my new favorite breed of dog as it has a whole other meaning:

Anyway, back to the story and the meaning behind this blog. So I have been interviewing for jobs recently and went out to dinner with folks from one of the Colleges the day before the interview started. We sat down at the table and what is the first thing they serve to us but Chow Chow. It was at that very moment that I teared up a bit, because for those of you know know me very well....my mother used to send me jars of chow chow because I loved to put it on my salads. When we would visit Lancaster for a few days she would always make sure to buy me a jar because she knew that I loved it. Friends would laugh and make fun of me for it...but it will always have a special meaning for me. I knew that my mom was with me, particually for that interview, to give me great strength and to encourage me to be myself. I believe that signs are heaven sent... and this was one for sure. Thanks Mom :).

Lord, I can't put it into words...so please just listen through my heart.

I saw this quote tonight ...it could not describe my feelings any better. Lately, I have been having a really rough time missing my mom. I know, I know...it's only been 4 months ...sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like four years ago. If anything, the pain has not gotten any better...it's been worse. I think in the beginning ...there is SO much to do, so many people to contact, and so many plans to make...for yourself and others. Now...the chaos is gone....so here I sit. We all know that I am a silver lining person and have to say a million times how thankful I am for family, friends, and a wonderful boyfriend. However, I never realized how much I talked to my mom...on my way to work, on lunch, before I went to sleep. We were the best of friends...she knew everything. I have learned to start relying on other people for these things...but that does not fill this void of pain and sorrow.

Today, I met up with a good friend in Lancaster...everyone who knows me well remembers that my mom and I were always there. Shopping for hours and taking long walks together...I grew up visiting the area and loved it because of her. One of her last wishes was to have a getaway just to relax there...I'm glad we were able to do that over Labor Day weekend before life took a turn for the worst. I know that I have a million people to call when I'm sad...but honestly it's extremely hard to reach out to anyone about this...I almost wish that the bombarding of calls and knocks on the door that happened in November were happening right now. Being an only child, not having siblings....you don't realize how hard it is until something like this happens...

It is crazy for me to say...in some aspects of my life...I've never been happier with love or with work. At the same time, I've never been so down or upset....

Buon compleanno, Tessa! :)

As I am sick in bed...what better to do then write a an early birthday blog dedicated to my best, Tessa Lynn! Tessa is someone that has quickly become a sister/best friend to me. Through crazy times, tears, late nights, death, breakups, marriage, new relationships, moving everywhere...we've really been through it all. I have said to many people over the past few months...it's amazing how someone can be an ocean away ...6 hour time difference...and still I talk her more than I talk to some close by or a few hours away :). This is the friend who I can call at 4 AM, word vomit to about anything...and I know she will love me, support me, challenge me in ways that a friend always should. Not only am I thankful for our great conversation and support...but can I just explain to the world how I have never laughed harder with anyone in my life than with this girl.

From "The Hill", to getting stuck in a freezer during a tornado (can't forget Barry on that one :), to cheerleading and mall trips...we can do anything together and just be happy little clams! To me, these are the best kinds of friendships. The ones where you make all of the effort in the world to make sure you talk and spend time together...but when you are together the time spent is just so easy :). I'm pretty sure everyone that I meet, I say "my best friend lives in Italy"!!! Not only because I think it's awesome...but because I am so proud too! This is the girl who has taught me to follow my heart no matter what anyone else says :) I am going to miss celebrating with you this weekend but hope that you have sooooooo much fun :) "I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU...BUT I HATE IT"...LOL..<3

On my mind...

Lately I've been thinking, you never really know what battles people are fighting...it's so important to be kind to everyone you meet. A smile, a hello, a quick conversation...all go such a long way. It makes me really sad sometimes to see that a lot of people in this world just simply don't value meaningful relationships. Of course...I feel like I learned this trait from my mother. She always stressed to me from such a young age to reach out to everyone and to make people feel loved and welcome. She always talked about the patients she worked with who were suffering so badly...but who were some of the nicest people in the world. I think that always gave her such a different perspective on the world. The irony in that...when she was sick in the hospital, she made such good friends with all of the nurses...some who even said they had never been that close with a patient before. But, that was so like my mom...to be that person who you just couldn't help to be close to in life...

I know that's what I strive to have in my life as well. I will always put others above myself and will always try to make someones day with a little smile or hello. I just encourage others to do the same. Think about the people who wait on you at a restaurant, who get your coffee everyday, who pump your gas (lucky Jersey friends ;) ), and who clean your office or building at work...reach out to everyone! You never know the connections you will make or the people who you will impact...life is too short to be miserable and cold. :)

Some inspiration for the day!

Phone Call Away...

It's around this time on certain nights that a wall of lonliness hits me like a ton of bricks. Some people used to make fun of me for talking to my mom so much on the phone. It wasn't that we needed to talk - it was that we were best friends - we loved talking to each other. I confided in her about everything - the little things to the things that mattered the most. Sometimes I'd just talk and at the end of the conversation realize that 3 hours have gone by ... she was the best. If I couldn't sleep ...or vice versa.. we'd chat. Lately I've been looking at my phone realizing...who on earth is going to chat with me at 11 PM at night when I can't sleep!? ... haha.. Tonight is one of those times I just can't help but bawl my eyes out about it.

Even packing to come back ...and here is where I sound like a spoiled brat. My mom always took such good care of me - above and beyond what I deserved. I'd go back with dinners and would always been stocked for months...she was so generous and giving. I hated packing this time around. I couldn't even bring myself to go to the store...it's just too painful.

Everyone says it will get easier ...but right now...that's just not the case...