I saw this quote tonight ...it could not describe my feelings any better. Lately, I have been having a really rough time missing my mom. I know, I know...it's only been 4 months ...sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like four years ago. If anything, the pain has not gotten any better...it's been worse. I think in the beginning ...there is SO much to do, so many people to contact, and so many plans to make...for yourself and others. Now...the chaos is gone....so here I sit. We all know that I am a silver lining person and have to say a million times how thankful I am for family, friends, and a wonderful boyfriend. However, I never realized how much I talked to my mom...on my way to work, on lunch, before I went to sleep. We were the best of friends...she knew everything. I have learned to start relying on other people for these things...but that does not fill this void of pain and sorrow.
Today, I met up with a good friend in Lancaster...everyone who knows me well remembers that my mom and I were always there. Shopping for hours and taking long walks together...I grew up visiting the area and loved it because of her. One of her last wishes was to have a getaway just to relax there...I'm glad we were able to do that over Labor Day weekend before life took a turn for the worst. I know that I have a million people to call when I'm sad...but honestly it's extremely hard to reach out to anyone about this...I almost wish that the bombarding of calls and knocks on the door that happened in November were happening right now. Being an only child, not having siblings....you don't realize how hard it is until something like this happens...
It is crazy for me to say...in some aspects of my life...I've never been happier with love or with work. At the same time, I've never been so down or upset....
