March. The month of almost every single family birthday, including my mother. Birthdays are a funny way of reminding us of loved ones who died, because when they were alive - birthdays were a celebration. Phone calls, birthday presents, going out to dinner, and times spend enjoying one another's company - those are what birthdays are supposed to be about. My mom's birthday was on St. Patrick's Day, March 17th, a day I can never forget. I hold deep regret about the birthdays my mom had ages 21-27 since I always wanted to go out with friends later in the evening to "celebrate"...what I wish I had done is celebrate all of the love she brought into my life. I can't say enough how easy it is to reflect on the regret, and how difficult it can be to focus on the positive, but I suppose that is another post.
Two years later, and my mom's death is still very new to my family. I know many people will have a ceremony, or do something special on the birthday of a loved one who passed, but ...my family is still getting there, and that's ok. Every family is different, and you have to eventually accept where everyone is with the grief process. I would love to get to a place where I am celebrating my mom's birthday as she would - with shopping, yummy food, and Lifetime movies - but...the thought of her still makes me sad. It pains me to to think of joyfully living in her memory, but one day...I hope to get there.
Many, people have said to me, that I am not myself these last two years, and they are definitely right. A part of you dies when a loved one passes...and it takes time to get that back. I'm still a work in progress... and I hope my friends who have experienced this type of loss can benefit from reading my random posts :)
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